In response to a deadline for a travel piece on Athens, I decided I would tell the editor that it had all been said already, very, very well, much better than I could ever say it. That I had nothing new to add, and the best writer about it was John Keats. So here is a photograph I took of an octopus on a vase, and the poem Ode on a Grecian Urn. Although Keats was unpopular with his contemporaries, this really is all ye know on earth and all ye need to know. Beauty is truth, truth beauty.
They didn't like that email. So then I thought about going on an Assertiveness Training Workshop, in order to get my point across to editors more effectively. My friend Rich Keeley once went on one. He said it was quite hard at first. They make you go round in the group and say your name. And then you have to say something you are good at. You can't say, "Hi, I am Rich Keeley and I am very good at pleasing people". They won't let you because you have naturally already ticked that box. You have to say something more useful. Rich said "Hi, I am Rich Keeley, and I am very good at making Compilation Tapes (It was the nineties)".
"Hi, I am Jess, and I am good at looking at art? Super Mario Cart? Birthday cards? Having Fun? Saying Yes instead of No? Trying to make people feel loved and happy?" And then hopefully after a 12-week programme, perhaps I could mention a more adult skill that people in higher positions in society feel is worth paying for. "Hi I am Jess, and I am very good at going on holiday, so here is my piece about Athens. Take it or leave it." And by the way, other editors have sent me tiger fishing and to Kosi Bay and to Paradise Valley to write about picnics and twice editors said, please go for a long run in Lady Grey and decide why.
Or how about "Here is my piece about Athens with no mention of Keats, or in fact the Acropolis or the Parthenon either". It is called Beauty Left Intact. It is about going to the Archaeological Museum to smell Aphrodite's perfume and decide if it is more rose or orchid. And seeing sparkly duck vases and ancient well-used golden combs that people have lovingly and compassionately made for each other. Never mind amazing octopus vessels, and lovers that shall never kiss on urns, and little ancient greek figures of women as violins. And amazing torsos of athletes. The curves and folds of goddesses. Does no one remember that appreciation of people and their form and other works of art leads to Love? Socrates said so.
But apparently neither Keats nor the smell of Aphrodite, nor even Socrates is enough for a travel piece on Athens.
The thing is, going to the Parthenon, is fine and it is very majestic. No straight lines, Doric columns, perfect proportions. Strong amazing Caryatids holding what would be a roof up. And it is good for the imagination to think Oh yes, I see, that is where Zeus's head is meant to be. Incredible Zeus's head which cracked open to give birth to Athena (who I quite admire, but not as much as Psyche, Ariadne, Arachne, and Daphne, who didn't start any wars over who was the most beautiful or turn other women into spiders or crane birds. They just calmly fed cake to dogs, hung themselves or begged to be turned into trees).
But there on at the Parthenon, slipping on the sweaty marble, were people saying "Now don't come Acropolis", and thinking that was funny. Which started making me a bit irritable. And the English family debating whether to actually buy a ticket to go in, "We can kind of see it from here, don't you think? So we could just buy a postcard, find a taverna, drink twenty pints of Mythos, and then go and see all the best bits at the British Museum on a day when it isn't so hot."
And then I had to explain to the children why it was all bashed down. Well, children, war: the Phoenicians, Venetians, (some Earthquakes I know that), the Turks, Christians, basically everyone ever that we are descended from (although not this time the Protestant Irish or the white colonialists of South Africa), and worst of all the Scots, all trying to destroy it, because of jealousy and religion and Authoritarian Personalities. And then they stole the good bits out of the rubble for themselves. And nothing has really changed. And then I had to pause, remind myself about beauty, and sit and watch this incredibly funny video which Richard sent me, which I refer to at least five times a day.
I don't know people. I'm not saying read Deepak Chopra or everyone do yoga or compulsory flower arranging. But maybe at least try knitting? Being nice to trees. Or ask Wikihow to put up better step-by-step comics on Compassion? Less shouting? Gracious acceptance that Keats said it better. Free pottery classes for all. Maybe that's it. I mean I was super-proud of making a ceramic lego bookend. I felt so pleased and productive. Then someone else made A Mermaid Cut in Half bookend, which was frankly a lot better. But books are always falling off bookshelves. Everyone could make any kind of bookend and it would all be fine.